nana_angel

Just for a bit of Friday fun I'd like to share the following variation on those Chuck Norris emails that I received - this time relating to Java.

• Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.
• Chuck Norris doesn't deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.
• Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.
• Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
• Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
• Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.
• A synchronize doesn't protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
• Chuck Norris doesn't use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.
• Chuck Norris' java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun's labs killing 37 people.
• When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris' deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.
• The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.
• Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
• Chuck Norris doesn't write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.
• Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
• Chuck Norris' binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.
• Chuck Norris methods doesn't catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
• Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.
• If you get a ChuckNorrisException you'll probably die.
• Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
• Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.
• Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the "flying tornado kick" at the moment it throws
• Chuck Norris's code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects' privates
  Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and "protected by Chuck Norris", don't try to access a field with this last modifier!!
• Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!
• Chuck Norris can divide by 0!
• Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.
• Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively
• Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.
• When a CPU loads a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.
• Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.
• Chuck Norris implements "Indestructible". All the other creatures implements "Killable".
• Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
• Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.
• JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
• Chuck Norris extends God.
• Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it's so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
• Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.
• Chuck Norris' classes can't be decompiled… don't bother trying.